Red Man Chewing Tobacco
My Review: 8.5
There are few pleasures greater than getting into a Ford F-250 at about 7:30am, heading to Home Depot after a restless night of drinking thanks to a few too many shots of Jack, Jerry Reed on the radio singing “East Bound and Down,” heading down Mulholland HWY in the Santa Monica Mountains while spitting that foul clump of mucous-inspired chew out the window splashing down the side of the dirty white F-250 painting brown flames on the side which the the truck wears like badges of honor chugging down the road at 8 miles per gallon.
But, other than that Red Man Chew is a terrible habit that doesn’t exactly get you laid. In fact, it turns off most people, makes your mom mad and creates a phobia of coffee cups that you’re not quite sure if you’ve spit in or not. It only costs about $5 bag in California which means that it must cost about $2 in any other tobacco-friendly state.
Here’s a few tips to make your chewing tobacco experience better:
First, spit into coffee cups (Starbucks preferred by this satisfied customer) with the top on. It’s very easy to make a seal on the opening and that little hole in the top will push your air out as you push the thick liquid in. My second tip is stick to Red Man original. It comes in a green package. Don’t try the stuff in the Gold Package known as Golden Blend. It’s really sweet and I don’t think it’s the way that God had intended it. My third and final tip is to be very careful when you spit out of a car. It’s easy to experience “blow back.” It’s not good especially when there is someone in the back seat (sorry, Joel).
As for my review, Red Man gets an 8.5 because it’s not exactly a healthy product. However, I will say when you’re constipated there are few things that are more “cleansing” than Red Man. So, go out and buy yourself a bag, sit back, enjoy and please monitor which coffee cup has the hot coffee and which one doesn’t.