A Review of Flavor

Flavor Flav

My Rating: 3.5

Contrary to popular belief, flavor (or flavour if you’re pretentious) is caused by a combination of both taste and smell. Because it is a combination of two senses, not just one, it is an art not a science. For this very reason flavor is illusive and often betrays our better judgement. Did you know, for instance, that food producers quite frequently add flavorants? Have you ever even heard the word flavorant? It’s okay – me either. Primary function of flavorant? Flavoring shit.

This leads me to the logical conclusion that we don’t actually know what the flavor of anything is anymore. We simply have no idea because evil scientists are using our senses against us. One prominent consipiracy theorist has suggested that a secret society (based on the East Coast) called the Republicans are using flavor against us in order to promote obesity, thus creating a greater need for health services. Sure, you’re thinking, “that’s just not possible.”

Take another bite of your Snickers bar and open your eyes! If your taste and smell have betrayed you, maybe your sight is still okay. See flavor for what it is:

A marketing tool that is destroying America.


2 comments so far

  1. London Mike on

    I agree with the point about how “we don’t actually know what the flavor of anything is anymore.” It’s like in “The Matrix” where Mouse is talking about how the machines programmed everything and says something like, “maybe they didn’t get chicken right which is why it tastes like everything!”

    I do feel cheated that I might never know the REAL flavor of a nice steak unless I go get a freshly slaughtered cut and eat it unseasoned, but even then its flavor might still have been affected by artificial compounds or other elements in the animal’s diet. Ultimately, I love the way a lot of food tastes anyway so I’ll just settle for whatever flavors I can get.

  2. JeFF on

    As a food scientist that is creating food that tastes good for America I am saddened to hear this review, saddened.

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