Wheat Thins Reviewed!

My Rating: 9

There are certain things on the cracker and cookie aisle that seem to fade into the background. Take Mother’s Cookies, for instance. They’re always there and we just don’t notice them anymore. I fear that Wheat Thins have fallen into this category and I am here to resurrect their importance and value in society. Our little square, sharp friends need to be recognized for their utter brilliance. There are 5 reasons why Wheat Thins are like the Matzoh of Modernity.

Reason 1: 5g of Whole Grain per serving

I don’t know what Whole Grain is, I don’t know what it does for you but I want it in my crackers. You’re there, you’re eating crackers, you’re getting healthier. I like that and so does my mom.

Reason 2: The crunch explosion when I take a bite

Stuff 3 of those bad boys in your mouth and go to town. My neighbor just called to complain about the noise. My wife is deaf. That’s crunchy. Big crunchy.

Reason 3: more Crackers per square inch

Go buy some potato chips and tell me what you get. Go ahead. What do you get? Air. Lots of air in the bag. Why? Physics, people. When they put those chips in there they strategically place them so that it seems like a full bag but they don’t have to put as many. Wheat Thins are square, thin and perfectly flat. They fit together – many of them – stacked in compact spaces. That yellow box equals value.  No hidden tricks.

Reason 4: So much variety, all of them really freakin’ good

Reduced Fat, Low Sodium, Vegetable Garden Flavored, Ranch, Cinnamon – they even have BIG variety if you want to have a BIG mouth and the little one’s seem too small. There are so many types that Nabisco needs two pages to explain it on their website. That’s variety.

Reason 5: They’re the right cracker at more moments than a Morton’s Steak.

Look, if you stuck a Morton’s Steak in my face and said, “you MUST either eat a $100 Steak or some Wheat Thins,” I would probably go with the Steak. But, how often does that happen? Only once in a while. So, as a rule, I’d say that generally Wheat Thins are the right cracker given most of moments of your life.

Thanks, Nabisco.
(now that’s a good looking woman)


2 comments so far

  1. Monko on

    I have Wheat Thins in my desk (in my lame cubicle) all the time. They are fantastic!

  2. JeFF on

    Bags of chips are not filled with air, they are filled with Nitrogen to prevent spoilage.

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