Archive for the ‘Women’ Category

LEAVE, and don’t come back

This blog is defunct.  We’ve moved to: http://www.1to10reviews.com

I switched from WordPress.com (which is a wonderful place to write a blog) to a self-hosted blog.  I am still using WordPress, but I got the install package for WordPress 2.6.

Thanks for visiting – please come see us at our new home.

Diane Rehm’s Slow & Warbling Voice

My Review: 2

Diane Rehm is the radio-program host of the “The Diane Rehm Show.” She hosts her program on WAMU through the American University in Washington D.C. The show is nationally syndicated on National Public Radio (NPR.)

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I love NPR. But Diane Rehm is driving me frigging crazy. Everyone just gushes on and on about how wonderful she is: she’s articulate, educated, well-spoken, interesting, insightful, etc., etc. and blah blah blah.

The truth is she is maddeningly annoying because she talks…so…god…damned…slowly. It’s making me crazy. I frequently listen to NPR on Sirius Satellite radio, and they play her show constantly. 3 times a day I find her on the air.

Now, I know that she has a speech disorder. She has Spasmodic Dysphonia, a disease of the larynx which causes involuntary spasms of the muscles in the throat and larynx. This cannot be treated with speech therapy or vocal training. The most effective way to treat it is with Botox injections directly to the throat. And that sucks. The disorder caused her to take a break from broadcasting. My assumption is that she speaks so slowly as means of coping with her disorder.

That’s all well and good; I applaud her efforts and sympathize with her plight. I am very sorry for her and for other S.D. sufferers. I know full well that I sound like an insensitive prick. A real asshole. But the fact remains that she is driving me crazy. I can’t stand the sound of her slow, warbling chaotic voice. IT DRIVES ME NUTS.

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So I give her stupid voice on her stupid program a stupid rating of 2. I don’t care how articulate or intelligent or sensitive she is. She is a radio personality, and that line of work depends on a solid, commanding mellifluous voice. Diane Rehm does not qualify.

Miss Universe 2007

My Review: 7

So, I called it. With the top 5 on stage and nothing else better to watch on TV, this Memorial Day Monday May 28, 2007 I said Miss Japan was was going to win. And I was right.

I think she’s pretty, I think she had more presence than anyone else who was there, and I think she did the best job answering the final question. The top 5 included USA, Brazil, Venezuela, Korea, and obviously Japan.

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In spite of all appearances, I do not have an Asian fetish. I legitimately think she deserved to win. The rest of the competition looked like they were made of plastic… it was a little gross.

Miss Japan is now Miss Universe, and I am a genius. And I had nothing better to do. Ain’t life grand.

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Congrats Miss Japan. You get a 7 out of 10.

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UPDATE:

I really should have addressed this when I wrote the post initially, but there was a truly funny moment. At least, it was funny on my couch at home; funny in that “holy crap that poor girl” kind of way. Miss USA, Rachel Smith, fell flat on her ass in the midst of the Evening Gown competition. I have no doubt that this will appear on YouTube forthwith, and I will update this post again when it does to add it here. Achh. That poor girl. But she still made it into the top 5, and get booed by the citizenry of Mexico for her trouble. Pageantry can be an ugly business. Pun very much intended. 🙂

Ciao for now.

High Heels Are Killing Me

My Review: 2

I think high heels are silly. They do make your calves look tight and muscular, but for the most part they appear uncomfortable and ungainly.

It has been asserted that wearing them not only is fashionable, it also makes a woman appear skinnier (because they are taller, vertically, in proportion to their normal width.) I don’t care. I still think they are stupid.

They look all pinched up in the toe, they are unsteady, they cost a lot of money, and they make you fall down when drunk. At least, it seems like they must, I don’t wear a lot of heels myself. And my understanding (based on movies, fictional literature, comic strips, and other sources) is that high heels are not good for your feet or ankles either.

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Admittedly, I am a “function over form” type of guy in most things, so I guess my opinion on things fashion related is suspect, but again, I don’t care. I think high heels are silly, frivolous things that don’t do very much to enhance sex appeal, but do a great deal to affect budget and performance (walking, running, etc.) So I give high heels a two. They are lame.
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Leaving the Toilet Seat Down – Review Rant

My Review: 2

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It is a bunch of crap. Pardon the pun.

Why do men always have to leave the seat down? The fact is, men generally pee standing up. While we have the ability to aim, we rarely have the patience or inclination, so we usually lift the toilet seat. Why is it that women do not raise the seat after they pee as a favor to us, rather than the other way around?

I suppose an argument could be made that in the middle of the night, a sleepy woman with a small bladder is quite likely to not look closely and end up stuck in the toilet. Whereas, the worst we men will do is make a mess by pissing on the seat (or the lid… don’t ask.) However, on the whole, I find the whole thing to be a little too one-sided. I think sometimes, instead of being scolded for leaving the seat up, we should be left alone. And once in a while, a woman should raise the seat after she completes her business in deference to the fact that we might be in a hurry and not want to slow down and lift the seat.

An illustrated drawing to help the women out there who aren’t sure how to lift the seat:

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Now, to be perfectly honest, I don’t really mind putting down the seat. I asked my fiancee (I dislike that word, but that’s the situation I’m in) when was the last time I forgot to leave the seat down, and she said she couldn’t remember. I’m good at remembering things like that.

And (sigh) while I don’t think I should have to constantly remember to lower the seat, I have learned where and when to pick my battles. That’s why I’m writing this post instead of causing an argument. 🙂 But I don’t have to like it. Lowering the seat after you pee gets a 2.

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Paris Hilton – the woman in review

My Review: 6

Everybody and their brother writes about Paris Hilton. And the people who don’t write about her either choose to think about her, or are forced to look at images of her. She is incredibly well known. There are even articles written about why she has so many articles written about her. ( Check out this blog post: Why Paris Hilton Is Famous (Or Understanding Value In A Post-Madonna World) – Just look at how many comments there are on this posting – even some in Hebrew.) The woman is larger than life – in my opinion she sort of epitomizes the term. She is trashy, fashionable, famous, wealthy, glamorous, slutty… all the things we (Americans) want, whether we admit it or not.

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Well, I met Paris Hilton. She is filming the latest run of “The Simple Life” at an undisclosed (by me) location, and I happened to work and live at said location for many years. So I went to visit my old hood, and there was Paris. She was playing with her dogs, and I, in my most masculine yet endearing tone said: “Is it all right if I say hi to the dogs?” In a sweet, sultry, yet oddly innocent tone of voice she said “sure, that’s fine.”

That was it. The whole conversation.

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But it changed my life.

Ok, that’s just a joke, my life is unchanged. But I was impressed by a number of things. Like most Americans, I look at Paris Hilton on the cover of a magazine and I think trashy, lame, dumb, rich, mean, spiteful, arrogant, spoiled, etc. I force myself to be unimpressed. And most of the time I even think she’s not that pretty. Well I’m here to tell you a couple of things.

First, the woman is beautiful. Not pretty, not ok, she is downright beautiful. That is a gorgeous woman. Also, in spite of the image which she intentionally perpetuates, she was generally polite and considerate. I was observing (intently) for over an hour as she interacted with a number of people (production assistants, friends, site staff, Nicole Ritchie, etc.) I’ll grant you this was not exactly an around the clock, good times and bad times biography, but I was impressed.

It could be that I was set up for that reaction, in the same way that if you go into a movie theater just knowing it’s going to suck, then it might turn out to be pretty good. But, I am ready to give her the benefit of the doubt. Before I met Paris, I’d have given her a 2, just because she’s so rich and so lame. But now, having met her in person, had an actual conversation (the manic glee in my mind should hopefully be evident by now), and seen how she treats people in a regular “behind the scenes” setting – well I have to say I think she’s better than her image. She merits a 6 overall, and a 9 plus in the looks department. She is totally gorgeous in person. Sincerely.

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Here’s to Paris. El Yay.

Poolboys at the Mansion – a review

My review: 7 (largely for chutzpah)

My friend Amir passed this onto me. I am not big on writing letters, but these guys can feel free to pass this blog on Hugh Hefner as an endorsement from me. I think this is a neat idea.

So here’s the gist: three guys (the Swede, Sam Rush, and Denman) are trying to get hired as pool boys at the Playboy mansion. Their methods and reasoning are based on a grass roots campaign of endorsement/recommendation letters, combined with an excellent sense of humor and cheek, as well as a variety of errands and gifts to soften up the boss. I’m actually kind of into this idea. Certainly the PR possibilities are powerful, and this screams reality TV.

Whats fun too is that this it totally the kind of idea that three intelligent friends in college (or who meet traveling in South America) would come up with while high. I mean, there is a twisted genius to this concept.

However, brilliant ideas are easy to come by, and truthfully that’s not what impresses me. Rather, the execution and effort they are putting into this plan shows real initiative and brains. Their site is well designed and informative. They are harnessing the power of the internet, the blog-o-sphere and the infamy of Playboy’s brand and directing it at a dream they want to realize. That stokes me. They chose a ridiculous, awesome goal and said “this can happen, when and if we MAKE it happen.” Well, cool on them. Hef, for what it’s worth, I think these guys deserve a chance. Let’s see what they can do.

I give it a 7 – go get ’em.

http://blog.poolboysatthemansion.com/

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