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Fergburger

My Review: 6

I recently spent my honeymoon in New Zealand, and a good portion of our time there was spent in and around Queenstown, a city on the south side of the South Island. If you find yourself in Queenstown, New Zealand, it is worth stopping in at the Fergburger.

Fergburger has immense (read: large) hamburgers. They make burgers from beef, lamb, deer, swine, fish, chicken, and many combinations of the aforementioned creatures. Their patties are about 8 inches across, and served on huge buns with lots of trimmings. I had a “Little Lamby” and a “Fergburger w/cheese” over the course of my time in Queenstown. Here is a short excerpt from the menu:

The Fergburger $9.00 Prime New Zealand beef, lettuce, tomato, red onion, aioli & tomato relishFergburger w/cheese Prime New Zealand beef, lettuce, tomato, red onion, aioli & relish with your choice of Edam $9.50 or Blue cheese $10.00Southern Swine $10.50 Prime New Zealand beef, streaky bacon, lettuce, tomato, red onion, avocado, aioli & tomato relish Tropical Swine $11.50 Prime New Zealand beef, American streaky bacon, edam cheese, pineapple, lettuce, tomato, red onion, aioli & tomato relish Mr Big Stuff $14.50 1/2 lb of prime New Zealand beef topped with melted edam cheese, American streaky backon & bbq sauce, lettuce, tomato, red onion & aioli Little Lamby $10.50 Prime New Zealand lamb, mint jelly, lettuce, tomato, red onion, aioli & tomato relish Sweet Bambi $11.00 Prime New Zealand cervena with a thai plum chutney, lettuce, tomato, red onion & aioli The Codfather $12.50 Fresh Blue Cod, beer battered with Ferg’s dill tartare, lettuce, tomato, red onion, and aioli

The atmosphere is frantic and fun, especially if you are into teens and twenty-somethings who insist on asserting their uniqueness. They are located on Shotover Street indowntown Queenstown, and their hours run from around 8:00 AM all the way to 5:00 AM, so they are great for a late night, post-binge drinking snack. They’re also good for a breakfast burger, if you can accept some serious indigestion for the rest of your day.

The patties are wide, but they are a little thin. I never worked up the guts to try the “Big Al” (The Big Al $15.50: Al delivers a double serving of prime New Zealand beef (1/2lb), lashings of bacon, a whole lotta cheese, 2 eggs, beetroot, lettuce, tomato, red onion, relish & a big wad of aioli) but the standard patties were impressively wide but sadly thin. And the fries were mediocre at best. And, my biggest gripe, was the sauce. Kiwis do not routinely use American Ketchup (Catsup, Heniz 51, the red stuff) and instead prefer a sweet and tangy, almost barbecuse sauce-like condiment. I do not care for it.

But, never-the-less (I am into hyphenated words today – weird) Fergburger is worth the trip. The staff move so fast it’s dizzying, the energy is fun, and they sell good beer. (I like the local Monteith’s Celtic.) The food is hot, good, and expensive ($15.00 for a burger!) But hey, you’re on vacation. I give Ferg a 6.

PS

They made it onto Wikipedia – that’s worth something.

PPS

Someone else’s half-eaten Fergburger. Gross.

Wheat Thins Reviewed!

My Rating: 9

There are certain things on the cracker and cookie aisle that seem to fade into the background. Take Mother’s Cookies, for instance. They’re always there and we just don’t notice them anymore. I fear that Wheat Thins have fallen into this category and I am here to resurrect their importance and value in society. Our little square, sharp friends need to be recognized for their utter brilliance. There are 5 reasons why Wheat Thins are like the Matzoh of Modernity.

Reason 1: 5g of Whole Grain per serving

I don’t know what Whole Grain is, I don’t know what it does for you but I want it in my crackers. You’re there, you’re eating crackers, you’re getting healthier. I like that and so does my mom.

Reason 2: The crunch explosion when I take a bite

Stuff 3 of those bad boys in your mouth and go to town. My neighbor just called to complain about the noise. My wife is deaf. That’s crunchy. Big crunchy.

Reason 3: more Crackers per square inch

Go buy some potato chips and tell me what you get. Go ahead. What do you get? Air. Lots of air in the bag. Why? Physics, people. When they put those chips in there they strategically place them so that it seems like a full bag but they don’t have to put as many. Wheat Thins are square, thin and perfectly flat. They fit together – many of them – stacked in compact spaces. That yellow box equals value.  No hidden tricks.

Reason 4: So much variety, all of them really freakin’ good

Reduced Fat, Low Sodium, Vegetable Garden Flavored, Ranch, Cinnamon – they even have BIG variety if you want to have a BIG mouth and the little one’s seem too small. There are so many types that Nabisco needs two pages to explain it on their website. That’s variety.

Reason 5: They’re the right cracker at more moments than a Morton’s Steak.

Look, if you stuck a Morton’s Steak in my face and said, “you MUST either eat a $100 Steak or some Wheat Thins,” I would probably go with the Steak. But, how often does that happen? Only once in a while. So, as a rule, I’d say that generally Wheat Thins are the right cracker given most of moments of your life.

Thanks, Nabisco.

(now that’s a good looking woman)